Following another evening of takeout from Papi’s Pizzeria, sources confirm that it became increasingly clear area man Barney Watt did not have the slightest clue his favorite restaurant was just the front used by the largest organized crime ring in the continental US.
“Papi’s is definitely my favorite restaurant in town,” said Watt,unknowingly referring to the secret mafia headquarters location federal agents spent years attempting to crack.
“They’ve got pasta, fish sticks, corn dogs… everything you want, really,”added Watt, reportedly unaware that he had just rattled off a list of all the frozen items on sale in bulk at Sam’s Club that week.
Sources close to Watt are reportedly baffled as to how he is oblivious about the true nature of Papi’s Pizzeria.
“I just don’t get how Barney hasn’t realized that Papi’s is a front.Everything about that place screams‘illegal activity,’” said Watt’s girlfriend Lisa Hamilton about the cash-only restaurant. “I mean, doesn’t he ever wonder why they only do takeout even though they have seating for at least 50?”
Watt’s roommates were also shocked to realize the full extent of his ignorance.
“Is Barney still getting takeout from that place?” asked Watt’s roommate Jeremy Barker. “Just last week, he found a severed finger in his mashed potatoes.And the week before that, he told me he was held at knife point by the busboy when he asked for extra ranch.”
“I feel bad for not telling him,” added Barker. “But at this point it’s just like,dude. Get a clue.”
At press time, Watt was seen leaving Papi’s with a to-go order at the same moment SWAT Officers descended on the building from above.
