I was craning my neck over my bulging bicep and noticed you carrying a bag of groceries that looked a little larger than normal. I want you to know I spent months building up my muscles, and I was wondering if you needed a little boost. I can carry objects, open doors, and really do anything with my body that you don’t want to do alone. Except sex. I’m saving that for after I develop my gluteus maximus!
I really don’t want to come off as creepy, but I was watching you struggling to carry that futon upstairs last weekend. I’m actually free later today, so if you want a quick lift to move that around it’s really no biggie. Totally your call though.
I’m not ashamed to admit it. I was just like you a year ago. Fitting into regular sized shirts, straining to lift my living room table, hoping that someone like me would come along. That’s why I like to do my part and help out where I can. If you’ve ever got something, I just want you to know that I’m really here to help you, don’t even bother with those moving companies.
A new refrigerator? No, sorry, I’m busy that day.