New Urban Outfitters Bedding Collection Has Cum Stains Already Included

The new line of sheets will feature an increased thread and sperm count.

Urban Outfitters has announced they are releasing a new collection of bedding — now with the cum stains already added.

Sebastian Ramp, a rep for the company, said, “We realize that all of the sheets we sell end up becoming dumping grounds for sperm at one point or another, so we figured why not just sell them as they’re intended.”

“The sheets are infused with 100% local, organic, econ major semen, to add authenticity and charm” he continued. “The sheets come in a variety of styles, some just concentrated pools of jizz in the middle of the sheet, others more Jackson Pollock-inspired creations, with fun splatterings of spunk.”

Market data indicates that the new collection is a hit with its target audience.

“I just love how they go so well with all my other disgusting, cum-drenched sheets,” said Gillian Kempner, a frequent customer at Urban Outfitters.

Kempner later added, “they did raise some concerns from my boyfriend because he didn’t recognize this baby batter as his own, but once he knew that they came that way, he was all for it,” she commented.

The company has already seen a spike in sales since the release, Ramp explained. “It just goes to show you, sperm sells!”

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