Report: Mary Can’t Believe Virgin Birth Story Actually Worked

The Virgin is allegedly everything but.

Numerous sources have reported that Mary the Blessed Virgin can’t fucking believe that her virgin birth story actually worked on people.

Mary, mother of Jesus, was reportedly astounded that billions of Christians across two millennia had really taken as gospel the tale of her unplanned divine pregnancy, revealing that she had expected at least one of her countless devotees to call her bluff.

“Wow, I totally pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes with that one,” said Our Lady of Guadalupe, wiping the sweat from her brow. “I thought there was no way they were gonna fall for that whole ‘immaculate conception’ BS.”

“I still can’t believe that my beautiful Mary was chosen by the Lord Himself to birth the King of Kings,” commented Mary’s husband Joseph, now divinely cucked.

The Marian cherry-popping reportedly occurred in Joseph’s toolshed opposite to the manger, after the insatiable Madonna experienced a complete inability to “keep her hands off ” the cutest of the three wise men.

“Blessed is the fruit of thy womb,” said the Queen of Heaven’s duped followers, referring to Our Lady, whose 2,000-year-old lie to cover up her extramarital affair spawned one of the world’s great religions. The Star of the Sea was reportedly embarrassed by the millions of believers who devote their Sundays to taking Communion in her name and drinking the blood of her illegitimate child.

At press time, the Blessed Mother was averting her eyes while a worshipper said a Hail Mary.

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