Alumni Center To Promote Welcome Wednesdays By Just Hurling Bagels At Passerby

The new bagel-flinging initiative will help alert students to available Alumni Center resources.

As the novelty of their “Bagely” mascot begins to wear off, the University of Michigan Alumni Center has recently announced plans to promote their Welcome Wednesdays events by just hurling bagels at passerby.

“Free bagels on Wednesdays!” screamed Alumni Center coordinator Sarah Mikkaelson, lobbing a fast one at a freshman crossing Washington St.

The delectable spread of bagels is offered every week between the hours of 9 a.m. and 11 a.m., during which the bread products are flung at the heads of university students to alert them of Alumni Center resources.

“There’s no faster way to get the word out about us,” said Mikkaelson, shaking out her arm before winding up another cinnamon-raisin.

According to campus reports, students and faculty with gluten allergies are on high alert.

The Alumni Center’s latest email blast encouraged bystanders to “open wide.”

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