Reports have confirmed that, in a strategic show of unity, the remaining Democratic presidential candidates have combined into one entity capable of defeating Senator Bernie Sanders.
After realizing that no singular candidate was equipped to take on the democratic socialist alone, the lower-polling presidential hopefuls made the landmark decision to “come together” to assemble the massive mutant that could vanquish the Vermont senator in the lead-up to Super Tuesday.
“Faced with Warren’s unwavering integrity, Biden’s name recognition, Buttigieg’s score on the Kinsey Scale, and Klobuchar’s great hair, Bernie doesn’t stand a chance,” said the campaign manager of the modern-day Frankenstein.
“This is a turning point in the election,” said the lips of Mike Bloomberg, which were attached to the left side of Tom Steyer’s head. “We’ve banded together to form this conglomerate candidate and take down the threat to American democracy that is Senator Sanders,” he added.
Early Gallup polls indicate that the nine-foot-tall presidential composite has been testing well amongst Democratic voters still on the fence about which candidate to support in the primaries.
“At first, I couldn’t decide between Mayor Pete and Senator Warren,” said Minnesota voter Kathy Carmichael. “This freak of nature certainly makes my choice a lot easier.”
At press time, the Supercandidate couldn’t stop interrupting itself during the South Carolina debate.
