After over 50 Senate Republicans sold their souls during the impeachment trial of President Donald J. Trump, The Devil Himself was reportedly “slammed” by the vast quantity of souls that suddenly materialized on his desk.
“What the Hell am I supposed to do with these?” asked the frustrated Satan, as the GOP lawmakers forfeited whatever was left of their moral integrity and cast their votes to acquit.
The senators made the irreversible decision to ignore any evidence of misconduct in the Executive Office, creating “a Hell of a lot of work” for the Devil’s countless minions already doing overtime in the Underworld.
“I thought the intake forms after Watergate were bad,” said Mephistopheles while poring over the heap of damned souls now flooding his inbox. “But this is just torture — I wouldn’t even make Caligula sort through all this.”
“And it’s not like GOP souls are exactly hard to come by at the moment,” commented Lucifer, adding that “the price per soul has been steadily falling over the course of the last half-century.”
After determining that the current nine were inadequate, the Lord of the Flies finally decided that a tenth circle of Hell would be constructed for those responsible for Trump’s acquittal.