Eco-Friendly Coffee Shop Pours Coffee Straight Into Customers’ Hands

The establishment will scald its customers’ hands in the name of saving the environment.

In a recent press release, local coffee chain Espresso Royale has announced that, in an effort to go green and reduce plastic waste, it will begin serving coffee straight into customers hands — abandoning its previous practice of using disposable cups.

We’ve got to do everything we can to reduce our footprint before whatever the new deadline is. 2030, I think?” said regional Espresso Royale manager Martin Stevens while slurping his regular morning macchiato from his palms. “Eliminating plastic straws was one thing, but I think, with this move, we’ve really proven how committed we are to the environment.”

The business’ “hands-on approach” to combating climate change has garnered a positive response from the community overall.

“I think it’s great to see local businesses taking bold actions to help the Earth,” said University of Michigan sophomore Alex Murphy, as he tended to second-degree burns on his hands. “I’m relieved to know that my crippling caffeine addiction won’t be hurting the planet anymore.”

“I always hated when my parents told me that eating and drinking with my hands was childish and uncivilized,” said freshman SarahBradford. “Now I can really stick it to them because I’m part of the solution.”

At press time, Bradford was seen haphazardly cupping lattes in both of her hands to her friends in West Quad.

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