Michael Bloomberg Buys White House

Bloomberg was last seen wondering if he could flip the building for a bigger pay-off.

Sources have confirmed that former New York City mayor and 2020 presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg has successfully purchased the White House for $723 million.

The transaction was finalized at the close of last Wednesday’s Democratic debate in Las Vegas, after which the 78-year-old business tycoon decided to “cut to the chase.”

“Though I intend on running this race as fairly as possible, I’d be stupid not to use every resource I have to win this thing. All $62 billion of my resources,” said Bloomberg in a recent statement.

One of the wealthiest men in the country, Bloomberg is reportedly now “well on his way” to becoming a White House insider.

“This is an excellent strategic move for us,” confirmed campaign manager Kevin Sheekey. “Voters will be more likely to visualize our candidate in the White House if they realize that he already lives there.”

President Donald J. Trump, the building’s current occupant, was last seen packing his personal belongings into a suitcase after selling the executive residence.

“President Trump plans on living in his D.C. hotel during this transitional period while West Wing operations are run out of the Starbucks across the street,” confirmed a White House spokesperson.

Bloomberg is reported to have made calls to Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell for a prospective buyer’s tour of the Capitol Building following a recent congressional gridlock.

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