Report: Everyone In Bathroom Waiting For Everyone Else In Bathroom To Leave

The entirety of the public restroom’s occupants didn’t want you to hear them take a shit.

Reports from the first-floor Mason Hall bathroom confirmed last Thursday that everyone inside the public restroom was in fact huddled in their stalls, waiting for everyone else to leave.

“They’re taking forever,” sighed inhabitant of third stall on the left Marcia Aden, who had been on the toilet scrolling through Instagram for the past hour.

The entirety of the twenty-stall restroom’s dwellers were reportedly “counting down the minutes” until everyone else in the facility decided to pack it up early and give the others some privacy.

All occupants agreed that the horror of producing “pee noises” in their respective stalls made sitting in awkward, bare-assed silence next to fifteen other bathroom-goers worth it.

Callie Hadley, seated in the wheelchair-accessible stall, noted her rising frustration that she “couldn’t poop yet,” despite being positioned directly above an open shitter.

“I’ll just wait for everyone to leave,” Hadley decided, unaware that everyone else in the restroom was eagerly awaiting her own quick departure so that they could finally relieve themselves.

At press time, someone else walked into the bathroom, pissing everyone off.

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