In an effort to increase premium memberships, The Weather Channel app is now reportedly only issuing tornado warnings to those with a paid subscription.
“For just $3.99 a month, customers can not only have a completely ad-free experience, but they can also have enough time to find shelter in the event of a typhoon,” said Weather Channel spokesperson Lydia Wilson. “Premium subscribers can check the forecast for up to three weeks in the future, and they can also make sure they won’t be home when their neighborhood is decimated by a category F-5 twister.”
“The Weather Channel values everyone who uses our app, even those who only use the free version. However, as a thank you to those who support us financially, we treat our premium subscribers with the peace of mind of knowing that their livelihood isn’t going to be imminently destroyed by a cataclysmic cyclone.”
“Yeah, I kind of wish I shelled out the couple bucks for the premium app,” yelled Richard Bains of Topeka, Kansas over howling winds.
At press time, The Weather Channel was considering adding a higher-tier premium service that includes flash flood and hurricane warnings as well.