Following the World Health Organization’s declaration of COVID-19 as a global pandemic, President Xi Jinping of the People’s Republic of China has since announced plans to wait out the rest of the coronavirus outbreak with a long, rejuvenating nap in the Hundred Acre Wood.
The lovable Chinese Communist Party leader was reportedly “exhausted” after squashing early reports of the novel coronavirus as they emerged in China and censoring state media and journalists.
“Rather than continuing to visit affected cities like Wuhan, I’ve realized that I’d much rather sit tight for a bit in this enchanted woodland and wait for the rest of this COVID-19 commotion to blow over,” said a jovial Xi while removing his trousers and unbuttoning the top of his red polo.
Prior to taking leave from his official duties, the adorably rotund Xi assured his advisors that he would keep at least a six-foot distance from Piglet and Christopher Robin as he navigated the marvelous nooks and crannies of A. A. Milne’s fictional forest.
“The rate of infection here is slowing to basically nothing, and I’m super proud of the sweeping, multifront response that the People’s Republic has put up against the virus,” reported Xi, seated on a tree stump near Kanga’s House. “Anywho, all these public health crises have been making my tummy rumble.”
At press time, Xi was seen disinfecting the edge of a honey pot with antiviral wipes.
