During the O’Connell family’s first- ever Zoom reunion, many participants noted that members of the family seemed happier and more at peace with one another than they ever had in person.
“Our annual family reunion’s always kind of a shitshow,” admitted Ralph O’Connell, 45. “People get drunk and rowdy. Sometimes things even get physical, like Lynda and Tracy did last year over the last Lime-A-Rita. But now they’re just calmly smiling at their webcams in the comfort of their own homes.”
“I guess you can’t really scream at one another over Zoom, especially when there’s a delay,” said Chester O’Connell, 17. “I’m not complaining, this is the first time in my whole life I haven’t had to put up with Aunt Mable’s full-lip kisses.”
Reports were coming in that Uncle Eddy, who would normally begin a somewhat racist rant around his fourth beer, was silenced by his inability to turn on his laptop’s microphone.
“Aunt Kathy was in the top left corner of the screen, and Aunt Cheryl was in the bottom right corner. Those two haven’t set foot within 50 miles of each other ever since Cheryl said Kathy’s casserole was dry back in ‘94,” said an astonished reunion attendee.
Many family members felt that the family’s first-ever virtual reunion was also coincidentally the most boring ever. Cousin Stacey, 19, who announced her unplanned pregnancy at the 2020 reunion, complained, “They were nothing but supportive. What’s the fun in that?”
At press time, Uncle Rob was offering to show off his new “All Lives Matter” tattoo when the call hit 40 minutes and ended immediately.
