Following months of national protests, ExxonMobil has debuted their new racial justice campaign by spelling out “Black Lives Matter” in spilled oil off the coast of Louisiana.
The company announced in an afternoon press conference that the four thousand barrels of oil they had just dumped into the Gulf of Mexico were not the result of a shameful accident, but in fact an endorsement of civil rights.
From widespread environmental destruction to racial justice, we here at ExxonMobil are all about change,” said company spokesman Darren Woods. He then spent the rest of the conference going over the justifications for the company’s latest price hike in rapt detail.
When questioned about the environmental impact of his company’s actions, Woods merely shrugged, and asked, “What have the fish ever done to stop police brutality?
Experts predict that the oil will congeal into a single amorphous blob by the end of the week, a development that Woods insisted only strengthens the company’s original message. “What better way could there possibly be to symbolize the coming together of the black community?