Reports are confirming that shortly after listening to a particularly hearfelt song this past Saturday, local woman Bella Madison reported to her friends that she “wanted this song to play at her wedding,” blissfully unaware that she will in fact die alone.
Ms. Madison, never to be known as “Mrs.,” has allegedly created a playlist of all the songs she plans to hear on her special day. The playlist, clocking in at two hours long, will never be heard by anyone other than Madison herself during a wine-powered evening alone in 2034.
Madison has also spent time pondering the ideal engagement ring diamond cut. “Something classy but understated, and no less than 2 karats,” she mused, unaware that she will be buried without one ever having touched her hand.
“I felt kind of bad for her,” said witness to the interaction and good friend of Madison’s, Kennedy Stone. “She seemed so excited, but there’s absolutely no one in the roster ready to marry her for the foreseeable future. She started talking about her corgi being the ring bearer, and none of us had the heart to tell her that she’s definitely not gonna lock anything down in the year or two Badger has left.”
At press time, Madison was reportedly filling a wedding-themed Pinterest board with images of people who actually got married, unlike herself.
