Jesus Resurrected, Only 5’4”

Image of a white Jesus on the cross and two overlookers
The Lord was reportedly less than almighty in stature.

Following the resurrection of Jesus Christ this week, Christians around the world were dismayed to learn that He was only 5’4”, and are now grappling with the idea of worshiping someone who lacks such a commanding presence.

“I’ve followed the teachings of Jesus Christ my whole life,” said Matt Ealing. “But now that I see all His…shortcomings, I just can’t look at Him the same way.”

“I spent all my life looking up to Him,” said Jacqueline Myers. “Now that I find myself looking down to Him, His teachings almost feel less important. No wonder people kneel to pray.”

Ealing and Myers are not alone in questioning their beliefs. Sergio Padilla has also found his faith coming up short.

“Even though I watched this man walk on water,” said a bemused Padilla, “He did it in size 5 shoes and that just doesn’t sit right with me. He looks like the kid I’d beat up on the playground in middle school.”

Some are taking the news positively; as a sign of potential that God’s little kid could truly be their Savior.

“I think what we can all learn from this is that we all should appreciate the little things,” said Morris Kreger, feeling reaffirmed. Kreger continued,“He’s so close to being the Savior. A little extra sole in His sandals or a quick growth spurt and He has it in reach. As long as He doesn’t go around calling Himself fun-sized, I think I’ll still look forward to church on Sundays.”

At press time, Jesus was seen using both arms to carry the Bible.

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