“Joe Biden Is Not The Wendigo” Says Joe Biden, Unprompted

Joe Biden (left), Wendigo (right)
The presidential candidate gave no warning before clarifying that he is not a demon.

In response to a debate question regarding the potential replacement of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Joe Biden recently clarified to his constituents that he was “not the Wendigo” for some reason.

“The Supreme Court seat is obviously a very pressing issue,” the presidential candidate mused. “Regarding this, I can tell you with certainty that I am not the Wendigo.”

The former Vice President went on to draw clear distinctions between the Algonquian hellspawn and himself, arguing that while he shouldn’t even need to talk about it, he’ll repeat himself so that it’s clear.

In stories told by Ojibwe scholar Basil Johnston, the cannibal Skinwalker has “bones pushing out against its skin, its complexion the ash gray of death, and its eyes pushed back deep into their sockets.” At the debate, Biden unexpectedly and enthusiastically stressed his difference in appearance.

“You can find it in Ojibwe folklore, but it’s not me,” Biden explained. “There’s lots of names for it: Wendigo, Witiko, Wee-Tee-Go. No matter how you spin it, it’s definitely not what I am.”

When questioned about his economic policy, Biden brought up a number of facts about the Wendigo; specifically, the fact that he is not it and in fact has plenty of skin.

“You could even say,” the candidate said quietly, blinking both of his eyes individually, “I have skin to spare, even. And it’s all mine, I mean. I made it. Right on my bones.”

Biden was later seen fervently insisting that Vice Presidential candidate Kamala Harris is not a Frogman.

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