I swear to God, man. On dios. I totally thought I had the skills for this. I made straight “A”s in Spanish for ALL of middle school and even some of high school. ¿Qué hora es? I can tell you what time it is all day long, man. ¿Cómo estás? Muy bien, gracias. But it turns out there’s WAY more Spanish than that. I am as shocked as you are.

My first day was last Monday. By Thursday they had me on calls with partners in Lima, Peru. When they told me that, I immediately remembered my 7th-grade Spanish class and how that’s the capital. I thought maybe that would be a good talking point. When I answered my first call I opened with the best line I had: “Hola, soy Kevin. ¿Vivas en la capital?” They didn’t even answer. Dove right in talking about “las inversiones” and “costos hundidos.” I understood maybe one out of every fifteen words.

Mierda, dude. I don’t know what to do. My boss is checking in on my progress later this week. If he finds out that the Lima people hung up on me after a minute and a half I’ll be screwed. I really need this job. My last job fired me after they found out that the “HTML” on my resume meant that I am a consumer of web pages, not a developer. I don’t wanna know what this guy will do when he finds out I don’t know anything past the subjuntivo tense.

God help me. I don’t know nada.

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