A recent report from the National Science Foundation has found that scientists are the best at sex out of anyone in the world.
This news comes as a surprise to many, however the scientists say the report confirmed the hypothesis they had all along.
“Most people assume that scientists are just huge nerds,” says contributing scientist Craig Soberstein. “However, that assumption is not supported by our data. We’re scientists on the streets and freaks in the sheets.”
Every female participant reported that the male scientists’ genitalia had “the greatest magnitude,” and some commented that the foreplay was “the bomb” and “worth the participation money.”
According to Soberstein, one participant even said, “Super great. I want to do it again with Craig.”
“We couldn’t be happier with the results,” reported lead scientist Robert Fandelo. “We knew we were all nasty in the sack and now we have the numbers to show for it.”
Despite the scientists’ positive reaction to the findings, not everyone was pleased with the results.
“They invited me to participate and it seemed like an interesting study to be a part of,” said nonscientist and movie star Brad Pitt. “Then they showed me their findings and they said my sex was empirically proven to be the worst.”
At press time, multiple scientists were seen at a bar sharing their findings with anyone who would talk to them.