Sources within the White House have reported that the ghost of former First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was seen gloating over the recent COVID-19 outbreak in Melania Trump’s redesigned Rose Garden.
After multiple cases of coronavirus were traced back to the recent nomination ceremony of Amy Coney Barrett, there has been speculation that the event’s setting may have had an impact on its high rates of infection.
Jackie Kennedy’s ghost reportedly was appalled to see a large gathering of unmasked people but even more appalled by the “horrific redesign” of the garden. Grieving the loss of the red and yellow tulips and crab apple trees, the spirit of the former First Lady was quick to celebrate the karmic victory of the virus.
“If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s bad taste. Melanie—or whatever her name is—should have known better than to mess with my landscaping,” said the departed Mrs. Kennedy. “I devoted my life to restoring the White House to its former glory, and I’ll devote my afterlife too if she keeps this up.”
When criticized for her lack of sympathy for the infected parties, Jackie O had this to say: “I don’t feel bad for them at all. That garden is one of the worst things I’ve ever had to look at and we all know I’ve seen some shit.”
At press time, Jackie’s corporeal apparition was seen shaking her head in disappointment at Melania’s old Christmas decorations.
