LSA sophomore Jack Redding has reportedly been grappling with the decision to either wash his bed sheets today or sometime next year.
“I probably should do it, but it just seems like so much effort,” said an indecisive Redding. “I’m sure I’ll get around to it eventually, but it’s so hard to put them back on the bed. I just don’t know if I want to deal with all of that right now.”
Redding’s roommates do not share his confidence that he will eventually get around to the long-overdue chore.
“There’s no chance he’s washing those sheets anytime soon,” said Redding’s roommate Garrett Myers, as he put on his mask to walk past Redding’s room as if the smell of his roommate sheets was somehow contagious. “He hasn’t washed them in so long, every time he gets in bed they make a crunching sound.”
When pressed further on the matter, it seemed that Redding was almost intentionally running out of time to get started with the cleaning endeavor.
“I was pretty set on doing it earlier this morning, but then I had some work to do making a new Spotify playlist, and then I got distracted by Twitter, and now I’ve got class in a couple hours, so I don’t really know if now’s the time anymore,” said Redding, who had clearly gone nose blind. “Whatever, I washed them last year so I don’t think it’s that urgent that I get it done any time soon.”