Why Are You Being So Mean To Me?

A sad-looking duck

Hey! What the hell, guys? Why on earth are you calling Congress and the president a “lame duck” right now? You think that’s funny? It’s actually pretty hurtful! I’ll have you know that I had my leg permanently damaged by a piece of buckshot when I was just a duckling, and I’ve had to waddle with a limp ever since. How do you feel now, you jerks? I grew up having to endure all sorts of teasing and bullying because of my horrible gimp, and now, whenever I turn on the news, all I see is Trump’s face as he’s called a “lame duck president.”What does that even mean? “Lame duck.” I’ll have you know that I get more accomplished in a day than those clowns in Washington get done on even a good week. I haven’t taken my life into my own wings as I’ve dragged my leg across every street I’ve dared to cross, just so that Mitch McConnell can be compared to me. News flash, people: lame ducks have feelings too! And this lame duck— I should tell you, I do prefer the term “disabled duck” — would like to politely ask you to consider not being a bunch of assholes.

Related News