After a hearty meal of an entire box of spaghetti with butter and Parmesan cheese, Ross sophomore Jared Tucker has declared that he is “pretty sure that pasta is a good carb, anyway.”
The student, whose diet consists primarily of noodles and dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, was feeling “kinda shitty about [him]self ” after coming to the realization that a box of spaghetti contains enough pasta for six servings. However, after considering a nutrition class that he took in high school, he determined that the carbs would probably give him energy or something.
“I’ve heard that sometimes swimmers eat pasta the night before a meet because the carbs give them energy for the race. I’m not a swimmer, and I’m probably just going to play Xbox all day tomorrow, but I think this means I’ll feel good while I do it. At the end of the day, I’m just looking out for my body.”
Tucker’s friends expressed minor concern for his eating habits. Roommate Jordan McCabe claimed that “Jared goes through a minimum of five full boxes of pasta per week. He says that the gut he’s developed is just from pounding brewskis, but I don’t think that’s it.”
At press time, Jared Tucker was seen searching the paper forBarilla coupons.