Reports confirm area man Jacob Fleischer recently rewatched the 2018 Winter Olympic Games in Pyeongchang and spent the bulk of his time wondering why he didn’t start alpine skiing at an early age.
According to multiple reports, Fleischer was rapt with Matthias Mayer’s gold-medal-winning Super-G downhill performance, then subsequently expressed disappointment at his own decision not to start rigorous training as a toddler.
“This was a huge missed opportunity,” said Fleischer. “Could you imagine where I’d be now if my mom enrolled me in skiing lessons as a toddler? I’d be a legend, surely. What a waste of potential.”
Fleischer’s girlfriend, Trisha Dempsey, recounts Fleischer’s regret at never achieving world-class skill level on the slopes. “He even pulled out his own ski gear to measure its fit, and later googled ‘Olympic champions who started their careers late,’” said Dempsey.
At press time, Fleischer was seen buying a lift ticket at a nearby ski resort to make up for lost time.