Biden Embarks On Ambitious Agenda For First, Last 100 Days

Joe Biden speaking to crowd
President Biden said that he is hoping to “get everything from my agenda in under the wire” despite his presidency only beginning one month ago.

One month into his term, President Biden is well underway completing his agenda for his first and last 100 days in office.

“I’m here for a good time, not a long time,” said the 46th president, running at a feverish pace to get through all the tasks he has to accomplish each day.

President Biden’s advisors all seemed to be on board with the plan.

“With the way the world is right now and because Joe is, well, you know, Joe, we don’t know how much time we really have in White House,” said an anonymous advisor. “So we’re going to try to accomplish everything we can as quickly as possible then leave before things go sideways.”

“People keep speculating to me that I would only serve one term. So I said, ‘One term? I’ll settle for 100 days,’” said President Biden while practicing putting on his sunglasses in the mirror.

At press time, the president and his medical team were calculating that if he checks off two items from his agenda every hour, he should be able to accomplish all his goals before whatever deadline he faces on day 101.

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