Area man Daniel Smith was reportedly delighted to find that, after submitting a sample of his DNA to 23&Me, his results indicated that he was approximately seven percent interesting.
The results indicated that though the vast majority of his DNA was British, German, and French, he also had trace amounts of Hungarian, Portugese, Native American, and Turkish, making him much more interesting than the average white American.
“I was so psyched to see that I’m not just a lame-ass white guy!” reported Smith, donning a traditional Hungarian folk hat. “I’m still not really sure what ‘Yakut’ means, but I’m so excited to learn about my newly-discovered heritage.”
Smith’s mother, Anne, was reportedly elated after getting a call from her son informing her of their newfound genome. Said the elder Smith, “I can’t wait to tell the ladies in my book club that my genetic makeup is now so much more exotic than they think it is!”
Smith, a salesman for a local insurance company, was overheard bragging to clients about his genetic makeup. One client of Brazilian heritage reported that Smith attempted to speak to him in Portugese, a language that neither of them knew at all.
Smith was later seen asking his grandmother if Pop Pop was actually his grandfather, or if she had embraced “free love” a little too freely in the sixties.