Jeff Bezos To Pass Amazon CEO Position To Even Balder Man

The billionaire businessman cited the desire to spend more time with his few remaining hair follicles.

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is reportedly stepping down from his post at Amazon in order to become the company’s executive chairman, paving the way for what he calls a “younger, brighter, and much balder” leader of the global corporation.

Headhunters have reportedly had a very easy time finding a bald replacement, as the heads for which they are hunting are generally the most reflective and shiny.

The company reports that the search for a balder man has been underway for some months now. “We just really want to make sure that we take the time to find a perfect, clean, shiny new head — both of the company and of the CEO himself,” reported one spokesperson.

According to another spokesman for the international retailer, candidates for the job must be “total chrome-domes, or something close.” The spokesman added that applicants who wear wigs “will not be considered.”

“I’m looking for someone whose baldness is unmatched,” explained Mr. Bezos in a press release. “I want a person so bald you can practically see their skull. If I’m going to step down, I need to make sure this company doesn’t go to shit because of some hair- having asshole.”

At press time, Jeff Bezos was seen donning sunglasses before admiring his reflection om the mirror.

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