Oh, no. No, no, no, this cannot be happening right now. This is the worst day of your entire life. Mom did NOT just post this hideous, untouched photo of your feet on her Facebook timeline for all her friends to see. The ones you sell are so much hotter than this, and now no one is going to know how good your feet usually look.
This must be the worst photo ever taken of your toes. The lighting is just all wrong, and your burgundy nail polish is almost entirely chipped off your big toe. Usually, you like to curl your toes back to accentuate your foot’s arch, but here your toes are gripping the couch like you’re a fucking harpy with talons. And, wait — is that toe jam?! Ew, oh my God, Mom! You tried to review the pictures after she took them, but she just waved you off saying, “They look beautiful as always, honey.” Bullshit. These wouldn’t even go for 50 cents on your OnlyFans.
How the fuck did Mom even figure out how to use the Facebook tag feature? Just yesterday she couldn’t figure out how to find her calculator app, yet here she is today tagging your gnarled feet for the entire world to see. She could’ve at least tried to Facetune them first — like, this is literally so embarrassing. You weren’t even this humiliated when your ex leaked your foot pics to the football team. At least those ones were actually hot and earned you some new subscribers.
Oh great, now all of Mom’s friends are leaving comments and circlejerking what must be the most revolting picture ever taken of your tootsies. The moms of your elementary school friends are saying shit like “What a beautiful young woman! Sarah is really blossoming into her feet!” and “Gorgeous set of phalanges! I almost thought they were yours, Susan, you two are practically sisters!! ;)” Now you have to like all of their comments and pretend to be modest about these reptilian pictures as if you don’t have an entire album of sexier shots just itching to be sold to the next horny 63-year old man who DMs you on Instagram.
Ugh, whatever, maybe someone’s hot dad has a fetish for unwashed, blistered feet, and he’ll hit you up. But you better make sure to steal Mom’s phone and delete the pictures before Kyle sees them and tries to cancel your date next Friday.
