Nation’s Fathers Furious After Sons Fail To Hold Flashlight Steady

A son holds a flashlight for his father, who is working on a car.
The fathers later pointed out that their sons “missed a spot” while mowing the lawn.

Fathers across America report that they have “just about fucking had it” with the alleged inability of their sons to hold flashlights steady when helping with home improvement tasks.

Local father Richard Cummins described how his son “couldn’t hold the goddamn flashlight goddamn steady for two goddamn seconds,” as they attempted to rewire an electrical outlet. The project reportedly took double the time that it needed to.

One dad elaborated by saying, “All I asked was for him to hold the flashlight in place. It’s not rocket science. If he needs to hold something in place while I screw it in, he should also be able to keep the flashlight steady, too. The good Lord gave us two hands for a fucking reason.”

“There’s a reason we eat up a whole Saturday on chores that would’ve taken professionals minutes,” claimed father of two Jerry Harding. “It builds character and teaches my boys how to be men.”

At press time, fathers across the country were seen manually holding their sons’ hands steady and exclaiming, “See?! It’s not that hard!”

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