Self Proclaimed Old Souls Reportedly Not Eligible For Medicare

An 'old soul' sits at a table.
The administration has also announced that an “inner child” cannot be claimed as a dependent when filing taxes.

A recent statement from the WhiteHouse confirms that “old souls” are not eligible for Medicare coverage.

Andrew Reznor, a correspondent for the administration, elaborated, “To be clear, Medicare is only for individuals who are physically older than 65. We will not be taking spiritual age into consideration at this time.”

Bethany Wong, 21, whose claim was denied this past week, commented, “I just feel so slighted. My whole life everyone tells me how special I am because of my old soul, but when it comes to health insurance, suddenly it’s all just skin deep.”

Kyle Taylor, 26, elaborated, “I do all the same stuff old people do, reading books, puzzles, drinking tea, going to bed early. Honestly I really don’t see the difference here.”

Ernest Wong, Bethany’s father and the provider of her current health insurance commented, “Let’s just wait til she’s 27. See how much she likes being old then.”

Eligibility for the COVID vaccine for Old Souls has not yet been addressed by the White House

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