Ross junior Michael Moren drafted a proposal yesterday formally asking sophomore Alexa Vann for a trade deal to waste 100 percent of her time in exchange for 0 percent equity.
“Listen, babe,” Moren stated, before pulling up a PowerPoint presentation in front of his seated girlfriend. “You look like someone who’d appreciate a wise and savvy business opportunity. I’d love to receive an investment of all of your mental and emotional energy, and, in return, provide you with a little heartbreak, 14.67 empty promises, and three poorly-timed dick pics,” he said.
Handing her a printed spreadsheet of similar numerical figures, Moren proclaimed, “I’m asking to waste 100 percent of your time over the next two months, for a total of 200 hours at an average value of three hours per day, in exchange for 0 percent equity in the partnership.” He continued his pitch by saying, “Your take home, in this case, will be no effort or commitment of any sort from me.”
At press time, the pair was seen smiling and shaking hands after agreeing to the terms of the deal.
