Big Tobacco Announces Campus Ambassador Program

Student with cigarette in mouth exchanging a lighter
Cigarette ambassadors were seen taking Breezes away from students.

Spokespeople for the tobacco industry have recently announced their plan to reach the Gen-Z market by implementing a campus ambassador program.

“Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to reach the younger markets as easily as we have the older generations,” said a spokesperson for Marlboro. “Something about all those studies showing the horrifying long-term effects of cigarettes. So, we figured some poorly-planned Instagram posts from users with 1500 followers would be the way to go.”

“The campus ambassador program targets enterprising college students looking to make a little bit of extra cash by sharing a great product with their followers,” said Susan Cameron, CEO of the R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company.

The program is already a hit among university students. “GUYS,” posted @sarahmccarthy88 on Tuesday, along with an over-filtered photo of herself holding a cigarette, “I’m SO excited to announce my new partnership with @Newport! Make sure to use my code at your local gas station to get 20% off, or whatever the minimum cigarette price is legally allowed by your state.”

“Cigarettes are starting to become hot again,” commented student John Rowland. “All the smokeshows from Zeta Kappa Beta are posting them. I might have to pick up a pack, or pick up a debilitating smoking habit.”

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