Scalding Laptop Deemed “Good Enough” To Soothe Area Woman’s Menstrual Cramps

Sickly, sad woman sitting in bed with laptop on lap
Finch claims the extreme heat is “a good return on the investment” in her barely-functioning 2015 MacBook Air.

After waking up to her period this past Monday, area student Ellie Finch reportedly decided that her scalding hot laptop would be a “good enough” alternative to a heating pad to alleviate the pain of her cramps.

“I tried yoga, going for a run, and eating a banana, but my lower belly still felt like a million flaming ropes tangled together trying and failing to pull themselves apart,” commented Finch when asked what drove her to turn to technology.

Finch’s laptop, which allegedly “cranks up to inferno as soon as you launch Chrome,” proved to provide the relief that she was seeking.

“When I lived at home, I would just share a heating pad with my mom and sister, but I haven’t gotten around to buying one here, and if my HP does the trick, then why not?” added Finch.

Finch was only mildly disconcerted by the “smell and feel of hot plastic on [her] belly.”

At press time Finch was heard wondering aloud, “Wait, is it bad for you to put a computer right on top of your womb?”

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