Mothers across the nation are gearing up for the Thanksgiving holiday by preparing for their “time-honored tradition” of criticizing their daughters carb intake.
Though Thanksgiving is usually celebrated as a time for gratitude and abundance, the country’s mothers appear most anxious to ask their families questions like “does Jessica really need another dinner roll” or “how many scoops of mashed potatoes Sarah is planning to work off on her jog tomorrow.”
One mother claims the micromanagement of her daughter’s carbohydrate ingestion is simply a cultural institution. 53-year-old Jenna Baker said, “I’m not trying to be a bother, really. It’s just how the holiday season is! A moment on the lips now, forever on the hips.”
Helen Stanford, mother of three, also commented, saying, “Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks. And helpful advice for how to avoid being the chubbiest cousin on the Christmas card.”
At press time, the nation’s daughters were seen strategizing on how to deflect attention to the nations’ sons’ lack of vegetable consumption.