Club Giving Away Free Swag From 8:00 To 8:05 On Random Sunday Night Somewhere In Arb

The Nichols Arboretum
Students who had no interest in chess reportedly “showed up in hordes” for the swag.

The University Of Michigan Chess Club released an email promising “free chess swag in the middle of the Arb from 8 to 8:05” despite the fact that it would severely limit the marketing effectiveness of their merchandise distribution.

The club was allegedly excited to be handing out water bottles and tote bags to “whoever could find [them],” although their obscure choice of location and time frame would suggest otherwise.

Chess Club President Steven Mellers said, “We can’t wait to get the word about our student org! We want to reach as many people as possible.

That’s why we decided to traverse the farthest reaches of this campus and confine our tabling to a five minute period, as to not inconvenience our G-board.”

After their short promotional window had passed, however, club representatives also reported that they were “confused and disappointed” about their lack of distribution, even though they chose to do so in the most inconvenient way possible.

At press time, the Chess Club announced that their winter semester recruitment event would take place at 7 a.m. on North Campus.

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