Oh my God. Why does everything bad happen to me? All I want to do is drive my Hummer to the insurance agency where I work while playing the stock market. I don’t need all this bullshit in my life. What about Jenny from HR? All she does is talk about her stupid kids and her lame vacations. Not that it’s any of my business, but her husband cheated on her, you know. And now she spends every Wednesday in marriage counseling. Isn’t that so sad? Anyways, back to my point. My coffee is always too hot, I always get stuck in traffic, and my food is always slow at restaurants. Like, I just can’t win, right? Like, I was in Chik-Fil-A last week, and the jackass inside was just in there crying. Umm, hello? I am a customer at your restaurant. You need to bring me my food, you crybaby. What is it with people? I feel like the world is just against me. It’s like that Mel Gibson movie where he was fighting for freedom. I wanna be like him, or like that Mr. Martin Luther King. He’s a personal hero of mine, and I empathize with his struggle for, like, equal rights and stuff. I just hope better days are ahead, because I’m a good person. I don’t deserve this bullshit.