Area Porch Pirate Wants To Carry On Blackbeard’s Legacy

Pirate on a porch holding a box
Neighbors watching from security cameras have acknowledged Black’s “swashbuckling flair”.

Recently, area porch pirate Shelly Black was reported to be “doing her very best” to remember and carry on legendary pirate Blackbeard’s legacy.


According to Black, pirating was “once a noble and esteemed profession” but has now “stooped to an unacceptable level.”


“Back in the day, pirates were feared across the globe and used to terrorize the high seas. Now, that responsibility has fallen to me,” Black said. “Aye! My name will be known all around the cul-de-sac.”

“All these land lubbers don’t respect the Jolly Roger,” Black exclaimed after recently hoisting a skull-and-crossbones flag through her mailbox. “Their treasure will be mine.”


Having recently ordered a fake beard for delivery, Black has attempted to round up the neighbours and protect her “ship.”


At press time, Black was seen trying to extort a little girl out of her bicycle basket.

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