Report: Blind Man Really Good At Piano

blind man sitting at a piano
Churchgoers reported that Roth was “rocking” both the piano and his oversized sunglasses.

Last Sunday, churchgoers at Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow Episcopal Church reported that local blind man Mike Roth can “absolutely fucking shred it on the piano.”


“When I first saw him approaching the piano, I thought he was just really rude for wearing sunglasses in a house of God,” said one attendee, Anne Marie Smith. “But then he sat down at the piano and it was as if God was speaking through his fingers.”


“How is he so good? I don’t even think the keys have those little braille bumps on them,” said alter boy Brady Stevenson.


Some members of the congregation have been questioning the nature of Roth’s skills for some time. “If you ask me, I think the grace of God gives him momentary vision to be able to see the keys and the sheet music. Some pagans might say it’s ‘heightened sense of hearing and touch coupled with years of practice’ but what the fuck do they know,” said deacon Dennis Arthur.


“No, I do not know Stevie Wonder,” said Roth when reached for comment.


At press time, members of the church were confused when Roth announced he would be hosting a movie night at the church next Saturday.

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