It was reported that, for area man Frank Jackson, rising gas prices are “just the tip of the iceberg” of things he is “extremely angry” about.
“It’s not just gas prices,” said Jackson. “It’s the whole liberal media, and the Clintons, and the books they’re teaching our kids in schools. And it’s too hot out. Where is all the snow? I thought this was March? And why can’t I find a decent primary care physician in this town? Either they don’t accept my healthcare plan, or they want to tell me I have some Democrat bullshit like ‘gluten intolerance.’ Fuck off.”
Mike Rathburn, Jackson’s Assistant Coach on the middle school football team, said that Jackson had been more angry than usual.
“Sure, Frank’s always been an angry guy,” said Rathburn, “I remember watching him beat some guy to pulp back in the tenth grade just because he said Frank’s shoe was untied. But it was always directed at completely innocent bystanders, now he’s mad at the government and systems and all that crap. He’s gone all academic on me. I miss simple Frank.”
At press time, a Marathon gas station clerk reported seeing Jackson with his RAM 2500 “fall to his knees, shake his fist, and start screaming into the sky” at Pump #6.
