Area Man Way Too Stupid To Be Playing Chess

Children playing in Burns Park were seen looking over Schmidt’s chess game with pity.

Ann Arbor resident Cameron Schmidt was seen playing chess in Burns Park, a move that many have called “disastrous” and “quite embarrassing” for the chess novice and known idiot.

“I kinda feel bad for him,” says Schmidt’s friend and neighbor Catherine Jones. “He’s a really nice guy, but chess? He’s far too stupid for that. It’s kinda cute that he’s trying, though.”

“I thought this would be good because I’m so good at checkers,” said Schmidt, 19. “But I guess not.” He went on to say that “computers make it look so easy.”

Schmidt was overheard saying “How can I move the horse again?” to his opponent, Chester Portman, an experienced player, who was sighing under his breath before explaining these basic rules.

Schmidt’s girlfriend, Laura Masters, shared Jones’s pessimistic outlook. “I love him to death,” she was quoted to have said, “but there’s no strategy going on in that head whatsoever.”

Schmidt was later seen asking which way the horse moved for the third time.

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