Women around the globe are reportedly “oozing with excitement” following the release of a new body-fluid positive lingerie line at Victoria’s Secret.
The revolutionary line dubbed “Secrete by Victoria” stems from a new effort to connect to the “regular woman,” and to “normalize unplanned bodily fluids” by pre-treating garments with various crimson stains and bleach.
“Criminally overpriced vintage-looking products are all the rage now,” reported CEO Martin Walters of the new line. “We recognize that we as a company were behind the ball on body positivity, but we really think we can rectify that by normalizing period stains, discharge, even a little bit of piss sometimes.”
“I think the line’s amazing,” reported consumer Emma Grace. “Finally, representation for women like me with heavy flows that just won’t stop.”
The American Association of Gynecology put out a statement Monday endorsing the product. “For too long, women with raging yeast infections and UTIs have sat in the shadows,” read part of the press release. “Secrete by Victoria is helping these women learn that being a little creamy down there is a completely normal thing.”
At press time, Victoria’s Secret consumers were practicing saying, “No, I didn’t stain them, they just came like that. It’s fashion. No, seriously.”