Former unemployed freelance writer and current twitch streamer Dobrosław Węgrzynkiewicz was recently confirmed to be a loser in America as well as in his old country.
The recent immigrant reportedly stated “in my old country, I was at the bottom of the barrel, the lowest rank on the food chain. Now that I’ve come here, my life is exactly the same.”
Węgrzynkiewicz, who has experienced no upward mobility since immigrating to Detroit, lives in a studio apartment that he hasn’t left since he went out to buy milk three days ago. His relatives claim that this lifestyle is “pretty consistent” with his habits in his native Poland.
“It could always be worse,” says the 42-year-old bowling enthusiast. “When I first moved here, I had a roommate who was a doctor in Iran. Now he’s an Uber driver. I may not be in the best position, but at least it hasn’t changed much.”
When asked about his love life, Węgrzynkiewicz, whose ex-wife married a prominent lawyer in Łódź, said that he “hasn’t been dating much” since crashing his bicycle into a State Farm truck two weeks after moving to America.
Węgrzynkiewicz, who initially dropped out of the University of Warsaw to pursue a career in stand-up comedy, has indicated that his current job prospects are “limited,” and that he’s “taking some time to himself.” His grandmother, one of the references on his resume, claims that she “was so excited for my dearest grandson to get off his ass and accomplish something in America,” and is now “very disappointed.”
Węgrzynkiewicz was later seen ignoring texts by his only friend, Stanley, asking if he wanted to hang out.