Amateur chef Owen Borer was “caught in the middle” Tuesday night when he realized the garlic used in his pasta dish had quickly gone from making the kitchen smell delightful to making his body smell abhorrent.
“Owen’s been so into cooking lately,” remarked housemate Hugh Feil, “and we all love it. Sometimes I get to try a little bit of what he’s cooking, and it’s delicious. Plus, the house always smells incredible when he’s whipping up a new dish.”
However, comments from witnesses were mixed after it was reported that Borer’s garlic “smelled great in the kitchen, but bad on his person.”
“That guy?” remarked Rachel Shlerin, who sits next to Borer in their mathematics lecture. “God, if we didn’t have assigned seating, I’d be sitting as far away from him as possible. Dude smells like a mix of Old Spice and garbage.”
Shlerin is hardly the only witness to the quick turnaround of garlic’s scent. New studies have shown that anyone who cooks with garlic only has a tight 10-second window to go from “a wizard, a creator of delightful kitchen aromas” to “a guy on the bus with an unmistakable stench.”
Borer was last seen being offered a job as a line cook, where he was reportedly told he would smell “right at home.”