Mountain Goats Lead Singer Observed Perching On Cliffs Prior To Tragic Climbing Accident

A man sits on the top of a large mountain range.
Tragedy struck the music industry again when Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys died in a tragic frozen-banana-related death.

In the weeks since the tragic death of John Darnielle, lead singer of The Mountain Goats, revealing new details have come to light about the circumstances surrounding his fatal accident. Darnielle, 55, died on September 10th after falling from a cliff in the Rocky Mountains.

Detective Bertie Weiser, the investigator in charge of determining the circumstances under which Darnielle passed, revealed in a press conference on Tuesday that, in spite of his band name, police investigators have discovered that Darnielle was not “a hoofed mammal endemic to the mountainous areas of western North America,” nor was he “an alpine species and sure-footed climber.”

“We are as shocked and saddened as everyone else that John Darnielle was not, in fact, an actual mountain goat,” said Detective Weiser. “Though it was impossible to tell from his singing, he seems to have been merely a man. He had no feet which were well-suited for climbing steep, rocky slopes with pitches exceeding 60°, nor inner pads that provided traction, nor cloven hooves that could spread apart.”

Further law enforcement analysis of his music has sparked interest concerning lyrical themes surrounding death and falling. “At this time, we have not ruled out the possibility of a murder-suicide,” said Detective Weiser. “I mean, You are coming down with me? I hope you die, I hope we both die? It’s highly suspicious.”

Surviving members of the band are rumored to be “butting heads” over the direction of the band moving forward.

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