Wow—we all need an unlikely friend like this! Third-grader Brian Muller has brought a sausage, egg and cheese sandwich for his bus driver, Marshall Rolfson, every day for the past two years until Rolfson inevitably croaked from all the fucking cholesterol.
Muller’s mom, an ever-giving, inspirational QUEEN, said to reporters, “We just think that people in our lives that we don’t see very often—like the bus driver—kind of go underappreciated. That’s why we encouraged Brian to be generous—just absolutely go nuts and coat Mr. Marshall’s arteries with a slick layer of delicious trans fats.”
Apparently, Rolfson’s heart went bazoink while driving the school bus, leading to a minor accident in which three kindergarteners were hospitalized with non-life-threatening injuries.
And let’s just say—his doctors were going CRAZY.
“We’ve never seen cholesterol levels like this,” said one girlboss doctor, Mary Chavez, MD. “Even fifty bowls of Cheerios a day wouldn’t fix this sucker’s cholesterol.” Wow—those sandwiches must have been DELICIOUS!
But let’s get back to the facts—before Rolfson met his maker (that “Mr. Marshall,” as the children lovingly called him) he enjoyed two years of delicious sausage-egg-and-cheeses! We’re just glad he was able to have some good eats before he cashed his chips in.
The ever-generous Brian Muller, it seems, hasn’t let this tiny little setback stop him from doing good deeds. “I decided to bring my teacher a PB&J whenever I have extra supplies at home,” said the bright, smiley little munchkin. Here’s hoping she doesn’t have a secret EpiPen!
