Despite having “all of mankind’s knowledge” at his fingertips, area man Jordan McDaniels is reportedly using the browser on his iPhone to look up “how tall is Tony the Tiger?”
“He just looks so tall in all those commercials, and I was like ‘is it because he’s a giant, or is it because the people standing next to him are kids? I gotta know,’” said McDaniels when asked what prompted his search on a device with more computational power than the entire Apollo Space Program.
McDaniels went on to describe the process he underwent to research this information on the same worldwide database that also houses the Library of Congress. “You know, forty years ago, I would’ve had to go to a library to find out how old Ronald McDonald is, but now I don’t even have to leave my house!”
Later that night, McDaniels and his friends were seen getting high and using their entire collective human consciousness and thousands of years worth of mankind’s knowledge to Google “loudest fart ever?”