Report: Student Brushing Teeth At Adjacent Sink Just Moaned

Two men standing at a sink, one brushing his teeth.
The moan reportedly reverberated down the entire hall.

Reports indicate that while brushing their teeth at the sink, local student Philip Sacks audibly moaned.

“I was just trying to wash my hands and all of a sudden I heard something,” said Joshua Dylan, who experienced the moan firsthand. Dylan reports that after Sacks approached the sink, both of them engaged in long, uninterrupted eye contact before Sacks ultimately let out a moan that echoed throughout the entire lavatory.

“I was just so stunned. I mean, what the fuck? I get practicing good dental hygiene, but that’s taking it too far in my book,” said a distraught Dylan. “It’s not even like this was his dorm room or anything. What madman brushes his teeth in the first floor Lorch bathroom?”

Another witness, Steven Andrews, was in one of the bathroom stalls when the moan erupted. “Oh, I for sure thought it was just some people fucking. I’ve seen a lot of shit on this campus, but when I came out of that stall and I was met with just one dude at a sink brushing his teeth? Well, then I’d really seen it all.”

“Yeah that kid is weird,” said Sacks’ MECHE 240 IA, Lindsey Adams. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he yelped while flossing or swallowed his mouthwash instead of spitting it back out.”

At press time, Sacks could not be reached for comment, but was seen walking into the School of Dentistry building, reportedly “grinning from ear to ear.”

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