Rumors that the US Senior National Soccer Team had offered to forfeit their 2022 FIFA World Cup match with Iran made waves in the football community across the globe, suggesting that American foreign diplomacy has adopted a new strategy: the high and lows of International Football.
Ex-marine and current defense contractor Chaz Cooper Colton doesn’t seem particularly concerned. “Soccer has never been our strong suit. But I’ll tell you what we are good at. Two words: Symbolic Concession. Iran should know by now not to look an American gift horse by the mouth.”
Another self-proclaimed American Patriot was outraged by the implications of the national team’s forfeit. “They’ve already taken so much from us, and now they get to have a shot at winning the World Cup? There’s just no justice anymore.”
The Federation Internationale de Football Association denies any allegations of their participation in the matter, stating “We’re a football organization. We’re not about picking sides.” When questioned about their decision earlier this year to ban Russia from the World cup, the spokesperson repeated their statement and promptly put an end to any further questioning.