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A man wearing jeans is seen from waist-down operating a leaf blower.

Okay But Like Where Do You Even Want Me To Blow Them

I’ve been told so many times to blow leaves, but literally nobody...

  • Dec 16, 2022

Crime Report: White Girls Shoplifting, But In A Rebellious, Bling Ring Way, Not Like They’re Real Criminals

Police are on the lookout for thieves and other criminals, but one...

  • Dec 16, 2022

Crime Report: LSA Freshman Jeremy Smith Just Drank “Like, Two Beers”

Authorities reported Friday that LSA freshman Jeremy Smith consumed...

  • Dec 16, 2022

Crime Report: Egyptology Department Sued For Operating Pyramid Scheme

Internal Revenue Services raided the University of Michigan’s...

  • Dec 16, 2022

Crime Report: Underground Artist Arrested After Reports Of Being “Criminally Underrated”

Underground hip hop artist Curtis Jeffries, known by the stage name...

  • Dec 16, 2022

Crime Report: Planet Blue Ambassadors File Civil Suit Against UM Groove, Citing Concerns Over “Trash Music”

Last Tuesday, Michigan’s Planet Blue Ambassadors filed a civil suit...

  • Dec 16, 2022

Crime Report: Area Bartender Charged With Homicide, Arson After Serving Molotov Cocktail

A confused bartender faces homicide and arson charges after serving...

  • Dec 16, 2022

Crime Report: Unidentifiable Sticky Substance Found All Over SQ

Many booths in the South Quad Dining Hall were found smeared with a...

  • Dec 16, 2022

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