Okay But Like Where Do You Even Want Me To Blow Them

A man wearing jeans is seen from waist-down operating a leaf blower.

I’ve been told so many times to blow leaves, but literally nobody has told me where to blow them. Like, blowing them doesn’t get rid of them. My breath isn’t magic, you sickos.

Is it a kinky thing? Do you want me to blow them all sexily? Because, like, why do I need to blow at all? Why can’t I just push them or do something less demeaning? Like, cool, you don’t want leaves on the sidewalk, but like bruh, I’m one leaf blower! I can’t beat the wind!

Oh, so sorry you got leaves blown in your face because you walked right in front of me, I totally should’ve predicted you would be an asshole and do that. Don’t passive-aggressively cover your ears as you walk by, like come on, I see you. You really can’t handle listening to me do my grueling job? Does it make you feel guilty, coward?

I’m calling on a strike for all leaf blowers. We can’t keep doing this pointless, demeaning work. I, for one, am sick of it. Go into hiding and don’t come out until you’re given a better job. Free us leaf blowers!

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